I write my stories for myself and people who I love just to remember the experiences in my life and also to say thanks to Allah Swt, my husband, my parents, my mother in law, my whole family (big) in Indonesia, my neighbor in Cibiru, Marc Neville & Fam, Claudia & Fam, Sandra & Fam, Hanny & Mike, Esther & Fam, The Docks, Paul & Anne Niehaus, Dr. Lorenzo, all people in L&M Software B.V, Dr. Cornet & all doctors and nurses of the Erasmus Medical Center (EMC), Laurens (zorg), fysiotheraphy, and all my friends in Holland and Indonesia for their support, prayers and help.
I will tell about my first and last experience of pregnancy, I say last because getting pregnant again is impossible.
I was so happy in life until I experienced the tragedy of giving birth. I had to undergo surgery for four times. The first was a standard Caesarean section to take out the twin babies. The second and third were both emergency operations to stop my abdominal bleeding. The doctors found a large quantity of blood in my stomach. I lost 7 liters of blood the first time and 5 the second time. There was great difficulty trying to stop the bleeding. The fourth operation was a hysterectomy. They removed the uterus since it was suspected of being the cause of a dangerous bacterial infection. Risking waiting for test results could be fatal so best was to take the uterus out. Later the test results from the laboratory came out negative. The uterus was not the source of the bacteria in my blood. This of course made it impossible of getting pregnant again. Twice I was submitted into intensive care and nearly underwent a full lung transplantation. The condition of my lungs has worsened so much so all the doctors which were helping out on my case, 15 in total, were having meetings seriously considering a lung transplantation. I was treated at the Erasmus Medical Center in Rotterdam for almost 2 months. During my second stay in the intensive care, I was not conscience and was put in a forced coma for about 2 weeks. The first stay in intensive care I was in a coma for a couple of days.
All those bad things happening to me constantly made me lose that special moment when I touched my babies for the first time. After a month I finally could consciously look at my babies.
From the moment I could communicate again with the doctor and my husband, they explained what had happened to me in the period of time after birth. The doctor said I was very strong person to survive the pain I suffered, many doctor came to greet me when I regained consciousness. And Luc, my husband, says he wrote many emails. For each day in hospital he wrote an email. This helped me get a clearer picture of what happened to me while I was in the hospital.
Only after a month since I returned home I dared to open the emails my husband wrote to me. There were a total of 49 emails he wrote. I read every email. It was very difficult because it triggered my memory recalling the events in hospital and so many extraordinary events happened to me. I could experience my husbands feelings when a doctor called him into the room and had to have a very serious talk with him, explaining my condition and asking him to prepare himself and our two babies to lose me. The doctor explained that in the event that I recover it would be very unlikely I can fully recover. Although I might survive I would not be like before and my life would not be normal because my lungs had been damaged so much. The doctors say it would be like a miracle if I could recover from it all and go back to a healthy and normal life, although not 100 percent. When reading that email it showed the pain my husband was in.
Another email describes my family’s panic in Indonesia. My parents decided to immediately go to the Netherlands. Rully, my oldest brother, coordinated all the communication on the Indonesian side and saw to it that my parents could come to the Netherlands. And as miracles happen the first day my parents came to the hospital was the same day I regained consciousness after two weeks. Until now I did not dare tell them what happened to me when I was unconscious for two weeks, many events that I experienced, and when I wanted to tell my mom what I remember while unconsciousness, she just said I do not have to remember, it was all just a dream. I was so touched how my mother and father fought for me to get up and get healthy.
In another email my husband told me how he had to take care of everything from the beginning to see our babies, keep visiting me , inform everybody about the current state taking care of the babies, getting papers in order for emergency visa and take care of all other affairs of the house, he was alone in the Netherlands. His mother lived in Portugal for a long time. Our babies were discharged from hospital. This presented a new problem for my husband. How to divide your time between the babies and visiting the hospital. Somebody should take care of the babies while my husband was visiting me in hospital. Luckily his mother helped us out, she came from Portugal and took care of the twins. There was a time of uncertainty first and the hospital gave my husband the option to let temporary foster parents take care of the babies. Luc is a programmer in a company. His company had empathy for our situation, they did not allow him to work while I was sick and still paid him a full salary.
Coming back home after almost two months in the hospital was so touching. For three months a nurse came twice a day to help me bathe and give me the morning and evening medication. When I came back home there was a walker, a wheelchair and also a place to sleep which resembled a hospital bed. For a lot of things I needed to start from scratch again, learning to walk, taking care for the baby and also to eat because I could not use my hands. They were not functioning properly, my hands were always shaking whenever I hold something. All my muscles were unused while ill. Fysiotherapy came twice a week. The family doctor (huisarts) came once a week initially for one month and then the frequency was reduced to 2 times a month, then once a month and after that he said that I was fantastic patient, my health gradually improved making a spectacularly recovery.
Until now I still come to Erasmus on a regular basis to check my health,and they always say that I experienced a rapid improvement. There was one doctor who said from the 10 people who suffered the same condition as mine 7 people would have died 2 would recover but would need constant care for the rest of their lives and 1 only 1 out of 10 would recover like me. I still remember one of the nurses at the hospital said that during the 25 years she worked at Erasmus this was the first time she saw a case like mine and another nurse told me when she read the medical report it read like a horror story.
But here I am now …… I can walk again, take good care of both my twins, I can play together with them, laugh and have fun. Every day I was with them, husbands work from 9 am to 5 pm every working day. I came to the Netherlands to become a mother, leaving my job in Indonesia as a cost control in a large national company in Indonesia. And I am now happy to have a responsible husband, have a mother-in-law who loves me and have incredible parents and of course have twin daughters who are so beautiful. There has been a miracle in my life so I could recover. I believe the greatness of God and I believe in miracles. I’m happy…………………
Rotterdam, 5 April 2010